Previously on 24. (Note: unless Jack Bauer is a household name, you don't care about this post).

Something funny I came across today. I thought it was appropriate, being a Monday, and anyone who's anyone knows what's on TV on Monday nights:

  • Every time you think about sex Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you thought about sex, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
  • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with two bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
  • Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. No man plays Jack Bauer.
  • People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
  • Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just four days' time. Wait, that is a real fact.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
  • Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
  • Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
  • Jack Bauer's death was not staged. Jack came back to life after Satan was too scared to let him into Hell.
  • Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
  • Jack Bauer came up with the idea to can and sell his own urine, that product is known as Red Bull.
  • When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
  • Jack Bauer played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.