Dear (Taco) John letter.

A No. 3 combo, please. Small, beef. Sour cream on the tacos, and a Sprite to drink.

It comes to $4.72 every time. I order the same thing. Every time.

I love Taco John's. I love Taco John's so much I'm willing to drive nearly 25 minutes to the nearest Taco John's just for a No. 3 combo: two soft-shell tacos, a small drink and a small Potato Ole.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. A Taco John's is coming to my town. A 4.8-minute drive from anywhere I might be.

Thank you, T.J., thank you.

The problem is, well, no one actually knows when it's coming. There's some ground leveled at the site. It looks promising. But, alas, there's still no Taco John's. It's OK, though. With patience comes joy. And sweet, sweet tacos.

This guy, however, lost his mind. I present to you a letter sent to my co-worker, who first broke the Taco John's news to the world. And by world, I mean me, and whoever reads the newspaper. (Note: names of people and places have been changed to protect the, uh, well, they're just changed, OK? And also, any grammatical and spelling errors are not my fault. Promise. Oh, and unfavorable language has been censored to protect the virginal eyes.)

Dear Mr. So-and-So,
A while back you did a story about Taco Johns coming back to Small Town, WI. In it you wrote building would begin construction late February early March. Well its the early part of April and still they haven’t broke ground at the site yet. How about doing another article and telling us people who want another Taco Johns back in Small Town the latest developments in Taco Johns coming back to this useless $hith0le we call a town. Sorry but this town has sucked as long as I’ve been in it (all of my life) and don’t see it getting much better too soon! But at least it may have a great place to eat in it if the town officials don’t f*ck that up too. Please do another article and bring us all up to date on the standings of having another Taco Johns in
(insert name of town blended with the word $hit). Thank you for your time and cooperation.
Sincerely, Random Guy

I'm not sure what to say, other than, "Whoa." Or maybe offer an alternative. Taco Bell, perhaps? And I don't know how long "all of my life" is, but he should maybe get out more. I'm just saying.