"Why, I'm shocking," I say to my previously sleeping self. And the cats. Who think I'm crazy. That's how shocking I am.
OK, none of that actually happens, but let me tell you about yesterday anyway. I killed so many birds with one stone, I stopped counting when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention awarded me a medal for wiping out all threat of the bird flu.
There are several things I need in life right now. I need to save money on gas. I need to get a tan. I need to train for upcoming events in the form of running, biking and/or swimming. But mostly running. I also need to be comfortable sporting a bikini in T-minus, uh (insert me counting days on the calendar here), 56 days. In addition, I need world peace, an ozone layer, a million dollars, a tuna sub from Blimpie (with Swiss cheese, lettuce, lite mayo and green pepper on Roasted Red Pepper bread) and a Grande Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks, but we'll save all that for another day. I need to pace myself, people.
Anyway, I did all of that - minus the, uh, world peace, Starbucks, sandwich bit - in one 4-mile run last night. I ran to the tanning salon. Got my training/bikini-body workout, got a tan (albeit fake), saved gas (and money) and saved the world from my car's emissions. All at once. Voila. Just like that.
All in a day's work, my friends. All in a day's work. I feel pretty accomplished. So accomplished, in fact, that I couldn't wake up this morning to go to the Y.
Hey. Super heroes can only do so many things at once. Gosh. I'll get on the rest of that working out stuff, stat. But first I need my Caramel Macchiato and my sub.
(Disclaimer: no birds were harmed during the production of this post).