I woke up this morning feeling daunted as hell. I knew running wasn't going to be a possibility with the shape my blistered feet were in, and the thought of hobbling another 30 miles made my soul scream.
I love running. Running has always been my happy place. To be here on this epic journey and not be able to run free has been torture.
That's what I came here for. To help the team run across the U.S. So needless to say, my heart and my body are at war.
But I also came here to get to Steamboat Springs. Run, walk, or crawl, I'm getting our team there. It's just not going the way I imagined.
Walking, however, has given me all the time in the world -- literally -- to take in the beauty and enjoy the solitude. It's also given me all the time in the world to update Twitter with a play-by-play, text my favorite person, and dance on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere.
So, sure, I'm not running, but I'm sure as hell entertaining myself and 3,000 of my closest friends on the Internet...
That aside, the pain train continued today. The blisters on my feet are out of control. I cut entire chunks out of the toe box of my shoes just to give them some space, but the damage has already been done. Now it's damage control.
I walked 20 of the 31 miles we covered today. WALKED. The missing 11 were covered by the awesome MS Run the US crew to give my feet a midday break.
The steps were painful and the miles felt like eternity. I think that's the toughest part of walking. Mentally it's exhausting. Just watching the miles crawl. It doesn't help that each step felt like I was walking into lava.
Tomorrow is another day, likely much of the same, so I'm trying to psych myself up for it. I'm over the halfway mark, but three more days still feels like forever. All I want is at least ONE more day with running.
I'm going to make it happen.
Last night was a rough one for me. I was feeling completely defeated and trying not to take offense to every comment masked as encouragement.
"You signed up for this."
"Feel lucky you can even walk."
"At least your body can heal. People with MS can't heal."
Here's the thing. I know all of that. But when I'm sitting in tears with a ripped open toe after hobbling for 30 miles on an adventure I dreamed of entirely differently, sunburnt, tired, and defeated, there are better ways to pick me up.
I am well aware of why I'm here. I spent the better part of the last year raising more than TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS for the cause. For a person to think I've lost sight of that while I'm in the middle of walking 165 miles across two states is insulting.
Be gentle, world. Literally walk in my shoes while I'm working as hard as I can to make life better for an entire population of people.
But I'll warn you, there isn't much left to my shoes at the moment.
Day four: coming up!