You totally want to read this, don't you?

I just spent the last 45 minutes watching "Dancing With The Stars," and I don't know what was harder: admitting that or changing the channel. I can't stand 94 percent of the cast. But Evan Lysacek? ADORABLY PRECIOUS. (Hi, Evan. Hi! Call me!) I've been sitting here in front of the TV since I got home from work, and I've been like a lost puppy. My DVR is empty. Not one show to catch up on. And that is the most devastating part of my day (no, not really. But really). This is what life has come to: shifting my eyes in panic from the TV to the Internet, not sure what to do with myself when I don't have an episode of "Private Practice" or "Gossip Girl" to catch up on. And it's only Monday, you guys. The week is looking promising.

So, I just got off the phone with my mom. She makes me giggle. I highly look forward to our thrice-daily phone conversations, generally two of which are accidental conversations because I'm incapable of operating a touch-screen phone. In an attempt to call Miranda tonight, I called two other people instead, including mom. Dialing is HARD.

She told me some unsettling news. Well, news she heard from my dad, who relayed the information to her, and thus passed it along to me. The average woman dates 24 men before meeting the perfect one. TWENTY-FOUR. So, based on my track record, I should be, you know, to 532 by now. I MUST HAVE MISSED HIM. Even my sister, who's spent the last - approximately - 29 years hating men and life, in general, is all puppies and rainbows in love right now.

Other than all that awesome-sauce news, I've decided that I'm going to quit blogging about those I date. Well, unless we have a heinous breakup because he was cheating on me for months, and then a year later is engaged to her. But other than that, no more. Or unless I get dumped for blogging or chastised for being too active. Or if he sits down to pee. But otherwise, go read a Harlequin romance novel, my friends, because you're not gonna find any here. No sir.

Now let's talk about something good, shall we? Ran my eleventh half marathon on Saturday. Finished in 1:49, which is not my best, but almost. And by golly, almost is as good as any. But better than all of that is the fantastic support and company that I had along the way. We packed a hell of a group into the Wisconsin Marathon this weekend. A chunk of us ran the half, while two others finished their first full marathon. It was a phenomenal day, and I'm so proud of each and every one of my friends.

And in other news, if you have an iPhone, you need to download the app called CatPaint. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Do it now. Because when you do, you can do the following. And what more do you need in life? NOTHING.