Sinking lower into my perpetual funk.

If this blog could scream - literally, the second you opened the link - it would. A high, shrill, tantrum of a scream that would send you running for cover. And then it would cry. And throw things. And curl into a ball, hands in a fist, sobbing in strife.

And then you'd turn the damn computer off, tell it to shut the Hell up and carry on with its day. Which is pretty much what I should do, but I refuse.

Huge let down No. 3 arrived today, in the form of, "We're sorry, but we're going to pursue the process with other job candidates." After five interviews. Traveling. Hope. Damn. It.

The job hunt in the Promised Land is not going well. I've never felt so useless and, apparently, unqualified, in my 24 years of existence. I've been so close three times, only to have the prospect fall through. Each time I get my hopes up more and more. This is actually going to be it, I think to myself. I'll finally be able to carry on with my life, with The Fiance. No more stressing. No more worrying. No more mailing resumes repeatedly. No more tacky job interviews that make me uncomfortable. No more living for the weekends. No more let downs.

Life. Would just. Be NORMAL.

Uh, but no. That is not the case. Back to the stressing, the worrying, the resumes, the weekends, the interview Hell. Back to the let downs, and the occasional (more often than not) crying, the hating of the 90 miles that separate us.

I seriously feel like I've been dumped. For the third time. I have a pit in my stomach. I dread going home to a dirty apartment and whiney cats who miss the litterbox and pee on the floor. I feel sick. Tired. Angry. Bitter. And terribly defeated.

So tonight I'll curl up with my pillows, SEASON 6 OF DAWSON'S CREEK (which I SO have, by the way, so life's not all bad) and go to sleep. Probably after some more tears and defeatist attitude. And I'll wake up tomorrow, thinking, SHIT, I'm still here. And I'll go back to work. Feel bitter. Look for more jobs. And start the whole damn thing all over.

I'm totally pumped about that, in case you haven't noticed.

So, job hunting sucks. That's mostly what I wanted you to take away from this little rant. Now pardon me, while I go dig a hole and lie in it.