"What the French, toast?"

You guys we need to talk about TV. At some point between September and yesterday, I became obsessed with television. I watch so many shows that I can't even keep track of them. And just so you know, I function with a VCR because I roll like it's 1997 up in here. And not only do I have a VCR (what is this 'vee-see-are' you speak of?), I can only record one channel at once. So, I'm sorry, but on Thursday nights I'm F-to-the-ucked. The Office. Grey's Anatomy. The Vampire Diaries. ALL ON DIFFERENT CHANNELS AT THE SAME TIME, WTFOMG. I don't even know where to begin. But who was keeping The Vampire Diaries from me? For real. Stand up. Identify yourself. It's so delicious. And BOONE. BOOOOOONE! Ian Somerhalder as a vampire? Yes, please. You know me and vampires. And if you don't, you DON'T KNOW ME. Turn around. Go back to where you came from. It's like Twilight. Only not. Hot vampires. Wimpy girl. Werewolf foreshadowing. AND IAN SOMERHALDER.

My head just exploded.

I'm addicted to The CW. I never turn it off. Somehow, after not ever watching a season or an episode in my life, I've become addicted to the new 90210 AND the new Melrose Place. Then Gossip Girl. And when I'm not watching The CW, I'm watching ABC on Sunday nights, getting addicted to Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. I can't stop. I can't. In my heaven, everyone is a sibling, there are vampires, slutty, rich high schoolers, bitchy neighbors and my best friend is a werewolf. Swear to god.

Right now, as I type, I'm in the midst of my nightly ritual of The CW: The Office, Scrubs, two back-to-back episodes of Family Guy, and then bed. Never fails. Every night. Only now there's a laptop in the mix and not only can I not turn off the TV, I also CAN'T GET OFF THE INTERNET.

I might be 17. Don't tell anyone. Only, in a month from today, I turn 28. I'm 28 going on teenager. And just ignore the subject line. It's my favorite line ever. From a gum commercial. ON TV.