The following is a true account of exactly what occurred on my Facebook page this afternoon during a terrifying Twitter outage. Events and people are real. Names have not been changed. No one is innocent. The events took place in a 15-minute span, otherwise known as epic panic. Lesson learned: Um. Obviously Twitter should never break again.
Krista's Facebook status:The first thing I do when Twitter is down is run over to Facebook to see if everyone is still alive.
Chelsea, Nicole, Myka and Amy "like" this.
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Chelsey O: Ahh me too! Holy crap @jeremywick and I are texting each other to cope! Lol
Krista: Also that's when all the text messages start flying. "OMG TWITTER!" "NOOOOOOO!" "WHAT DO WE DOOOO?!" Of course, those are the texts that *I* send...
Krista: Chelsey: lolz. See? Texts! #survivalmode
Chelsey O: #imightdie
Krista: Life isn't fair. It's just not fair.
Chelsey O: No kidding! @brianpmaguire said he's having a panic attack. I think I am too.
Angela: I'm still alive. Don't worry.
Krista: Kumbayaaaaa, my Lord... Kumbayaaaaaa...
Chelsey O: Hahahahah
Chelsey F: Have no fear, @cjrahr is still alive. #cjRawr!
Amy: anyone need some xanax?
Chelsey O: me
Chelsey F: send some my way too, amy!
Krista: Raise your hand if you're still alive! @krittabug: present! (Hi cjRAWR!)
Angela: I'm probably going to just start drinking.
Krista: Be strong, Angela. Be strong.
Sara: Here I am!
Chelsey F: I like your thinking, Angela
Krista: MY FACEBOOK STATUS IS THE NEW TWITTER.
Angela: Krista, I don't want to be strong anymore. I got rid of that name, remember? Haha! I'M FUNNY!
Chelsey O: AWESOME!!!
Chelsey F: I have no idea what Angela is talking about, but reading her comment literally made me laugh for some reason. See what a twitter-less life does to me?! I'm going craaaazy.
Krista: Be Denoyer, Angela! Be Denoyer! WHERE'S THE XANAX?!
Krista: I'M SO SCARED SOMEBODY HOLD ME.
Angela: Hi Chelsey, I don't know who you are, but I'm going to tell you my life story anyway. I was once married. My last name was Strong. Now you probably realize how funny I am.
Krista: Chelsey (@cjrahr) meet Angela (@angrae17).
Chelsey F: I Angela. I don't know you either. But I do appreciate the story. My life story: My middle name is Rahr. The End.
Chelsey F: Once twitter is working again, I'll have to follow @angrae17!
Chelsey O: My name is Chelsey too, and I am about to pass out from lack of Twitter.
Angela: Ooh, we both have our middle name in our twitter name. Mine is Rae. Besties!
Krista: BWAH! "My middle name is Rahr." God. I love that story and the fact that you just told it so simply. Heeheehee...
Chelsey F: Hi Chelsey. I'm the other Chelsey. But you knew that because we're friends on Twitter. Why I'd really like to log in to right now. Why Twitter, WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!
Angela: I think this is the fastest I've ever seen someone get this many comments on their status.
Chelsey O: No kidding, name twin... no kidding. *breathes into paper bag*
Krista: I feel really good about this. We've all come together and made new friends during our time of need.
Chelsey F: Hahaha Krista. 'Tis but a simple story. Me = Rahr. So fitting :)
Krista: so: this is probably the funniest day of my life right here. Epic Facebook Status Party.
Angela: I started to freak out about having to leave this fun to shut down my computer and leave work, but then I remembered that I have FB on my phone. Whew.
Chelsey F: This is hysterical! I love it. I feel the need to write #lovefest at the end of this comment
Krista: What would we do if Facebook broke right now? *SLAMS FACE ON DESK*
Angela: We'd all die.
Chelsey F: Hush you! Don't even say that!
Krista: I truly feel we would cease to exist. Who are we if we don't exist on the Internet? No one, that's who.
Alvin: It's for times like these that Google Wave was invented! Oh wait, that's going away...
Chelsey O: Omg please don't talk about all social media going offline... I would jump out of my office building.
Lesley: Yes. What is this "Twitter Problem. Message not sent?" DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Dan: The fail whale is clearly punishing all of us for talking about sharks all week...
Chelsey F: Hahahaha. Dan wins. Best comment of the day!!
Alvin: Twitter jumped the shark...
Chelsey O: Alright y'all... we're going on more than 30 minutes now... this is just not healthy.
Angela: The last time my UberTwitter updated was 55 min ago! UGH.
Lesley: It's like being checked into detox involuntarily. The shaking will stop eventually... right?