What happens in Lima, stays in Lima.

So, about that hotel we stayed in this weekend. In Lima, Ohio. After the wedding reception.

It was, well, ew.

The Fiance and I, and AJ and HER The Fiance, shacked up together at the Econo Lodge. Seeing as though the four of us are poor pre-newlyweds, we couldn't afford to shack up separately as couples. And we needed the cheapest hotel we could find in Lima, Ohio.

Well, friends. We found it.

For a mere $69 a night, we got stained walls, dirty carpet, and probably the scene of a 1978 crime that was poorly cleaned up. It's good we only spent about 10 hours, mostly sleeping and drunken, at the Econo Lodge, because I'm pretty sure we could've ended up victims ourselves.

When I woke up Sunday morning, it took me a while to open my eyes, which were still covered in the makeup I didn't wash off. My hair was haphazardly splayed across my face, coated in hairspray and 29 bobby pins.

Mmmm, Bridesmaid Aftermath.

But then I realized what I was sleeping on. The mattress. No sheets, no mattress pad. Somehow what WAS the bottom sheet had worked its way OFF the mattress, and exposed dirty, used mattress. And I was laying on it.


Across the way, The Fiance hid under the blankets. Across the room, AJ and her The Fiance sprawled across their own bed, also likely infested with cooties of Hotel Room's Past.


My mind quickly rifled through all the possible diseases currently cohabitating beneath me, stewing under my pillow. IN my pillow. Getting caught in my bobby pins. Oh, God. Cooties, AIDS, chlamydia, Avian Flu.

"Also, representatives of The HIV," AJ piped up. We pronounce HIV not as H-I-V, but rather as a word. HIV. The HIV.

So there's that.

None of us showered that morning. We declared going barefoot in the bathroom and also the shower not a wise idea at the Econo Lodge. I pulled on red sweatpants, a pink fleece and The Fiance's black Steve Madden dress shoes, because I forgot shoes of my own - and my strappy heels from the wedding? No way. Never wearing those again.

So, basically, I looked like the scum of the Earth. Straight out of the Econo Lodge.