We're going to call it unprotected sex.

"Are you going to pop out kids right away?"

Blink. Blink-blink.

It was Bridesmaid Beth, and we were discussing, well, the wedding. And procreating, apparently. Ew.

Don't get me wrong, I want me a kid. Or two. Let's call it two. But when put on the spot, and actually talking, in real life, about when such an event would occur, it was just, sort of, ew. Me? With a child? The same me, who when out of toilet paper turns to napkins, instead? It all seems rather bizarre.

I realize I am 25-years-old. And I will be married. And it is perfectly acceptable to begin spawning. But still. Sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm 13, and, at least in my day, 13-year-olds did not have babies. I'd much rather begin the whole parenting idea with a puppy. We are considering registering for one of those on our gift registry. Because, we can do that? Right?


All around me marrieds are, well, being married. And planning the inevitable. And using phrases such as, "We're pregnant." Or, "We're trying to get pregnant." Two phrases that probably top my list of barf-worthy statements. What you mean is, "I am pregnant. Do you see this protruding belly? That's the child growing inside of my womb. The father? He just helped. And at least it was fun for him. But as you'll notice, he is not pregnant." I think The Fiance would actually slap me if I ever said "we" were pregnant.


Furthermore, yes, you are trying to get pregnant. But what you're actually doing is having unprotected sex. No more birth control. No more condoms. Just lots of sex. And I vow to never - ever - reveal that "we're trying to get pregnant." What I will reveal is that, "Hey. I'm off the pill. Let's do it!" And one day when I am pregnant, I'll probably say, "Whoops." Because I like it that way. Surprising. And probably The Fiance (Husband) will pass out.

But for now, I shall continue to have protected sex. I mean, I shall continue to remain celibate because I am a virgin, Mom and Dad. And The Fiance and I have separate bedrooms. And no, no I don't believe we'll be popping out any kids right away.

Besides, I'm still working on my girlish figure. I'm not quite ready to ruin that with baby weight yet. I've got some running to do.