My best friend lost her oldest friend to a car accident over the weekend. One day, here. Next day, not here. Like that. Newly engaged. Happy. In love. In the car with her fiance. Their two friends. They died, too. All of them. She still had an engagement ring on her finger, but the diamond was lost. Her mom stated it was probably twisted and damaged when her daughter's body shattered through the windshield. Fuck.
This person was not my oldest friend. I met her once, maybe twice, in past years. She grew up with my best friend, and she is hurting. This story has wound itself so tightly in my head that it occupies my mind more often than it should. News articles. Pictures of her, her fiance. I don't know how my friend copes. Actually, I do know. She cries. She breaks down. She smiles and laughs at memories, and she breaks down again. It's made me realize I don't know how I would cope.
Life is too short, which is, like, a cliche older than damn time. But it is. For two days I've wanted to put all of my friends, and everyone I love, in my pockets. I want to keep them there, out of harm's way. Do they all know that? Think of the last conversation you had with your friend. Your sibling. Your mom. Your neighbor. Whomever. Is it the last thing you'd want to ever say to them?
To live like it's literally our last day is impossible, and really, it's ridiculous. If every time I said goodbye to someone, I carried on like I'd never see them again, well shit. That's depressing. And not possible. And I don't want to do that. But think about it. Be conscious of it.
More often than not I smack myself in the forehead because I have too many feelings. And more often than not, I'm one to let them come bubbling out at any and all times. If I feel something, I need to say it. Sure, it backfires. A lot. But what if I hadn't expressed those feelings? And what if it was too late one day? To be honest, sometimes that might be best. But fuck it. Life is too short. I don't want to be 45-years-old one day, and emotionally stunted because I kept everything inside out of fear.
This post is all over the place. Realizing the fragility of life scatters your brain.
Be thankful today for what you have. You're alive. And I don't care how hard you think your life is. Because your life is better than being in a coffin, mourned by your heartbroken friends and family, while the diamond to your engagement ring is lost in the disaster, along with everything you had.
Go give someone a hug. And mean it.