Twenty-four predictions.

You're going to have to get used to weekly "24" updates, sorry. But I'll warn you first, and you can feel free to skip them.  WARNING: THIS IS SOLELY ABOUT "24". YOU'RE WELCOME IN ADVANCE. 

Ahem.

After tonight's two-hour episode, I made a list of my predictions for this season. Twenty-four of them, to be exact. I posted the predictions here, but for the lazy, here you are:

1. That too-young-to-be-secret-service secret service kid, the guy with the president's husband - he's totally a bad guy. I can feel it. He plays for the wrong team.

2. I have an inkling the president's right-hand man is also bad. That one seems a little obvious, so I'm wary to make the prediction.

3. The jerky head of the FBI (Larry?) and the cougar - Renee, is it? - they have a "thing." I can see it in their small talk.

4. Chloe has a secret. Chloe always has a secret. Man, I love Chloe and all of her glorious awkwardness.

5. Janeane Garofalo is Chloe Version FBI. She has a secret, too.

6. Tony and Jack are in deep-you-know-what right now with the federal government.

7. Somehow they will get out of it, but it's going to get way worse first.

8. Michelle is alive. Or not. But wouldn't that be nice?

9. President Taylor had her son killed. Seems a little out there, but "24" has never been above "out there." I mean, come on, look at former President Logan.

10. Cougar Renee will be killed.

11. Jack will be the one to pull the trigger because he will discover she was a leak to the FBI.

12. Jack will neither sleep nor use the bathroom for the next 20 hours of his life.

13. CTU will be reinstated once Rogue Chloe and Co. save the day.

14. Exactly one plane will crash before the end of the day.

15. Mr. President's Husband is going to be shot and/or injured. He's totally wearing a target.

16. Doing so will most definitely put Madame President under far more stress than necessary, leading to bad decisions.

17. Like allowing terrorists to kill thousands of innocent Americans.

18. Whatever disk Samantha gave to Mr. President's Husband is going to hold the key to solving the entire day's problem.

19. But when Mr. President's Husband is shot and/or injured (kidnapped, perhaps?) that disk will once again be in the wrong hands.

20. Not one vulgar curse word will be uttered by anyone in an entire 24-hour period, even though if I were expected to save the world, I'd be dropping F-bombs left and right. Thanks, Fox!

21. Kim will make an appearance. Sans cougar.

22. When CTU is reinstated, Tony will rejoin his old crew.

23. Jack will be Bill's wingman at the head of CTU.

24. * Edgar is ALIVE. And he's behind it all.

* You KNOW you want this to be true. You know it.