To summarize

The day began when I shot Dial soap directly into my left eye in the shower. HUGE GODDAMN FAIL.

I'm not sure when the makers of Dial antibacterial soap began utilizing acid as a main ingredient, but I'm PRETTY SURE it was this morning, directly before it began searing my cornea from the inside out.

You laugh, but I do not kid. I was screaming on the inside. I clutched my eye, dropped the soap, knocked my razor from its perch and begged God to take me away. He did no such thing, of course, and instead left me to suffer at the mercy of a bar of cheap soap.

At work everyone decided to play Worst Case Scenario again, and we spent an hour-and-a-half reading aloud from a PowerPoint presentation and singing lullabies around a campfire.

(That last part's not true, but almost).

I drank too much coffee, which led to the shakes, 43 pee breaks, heartburn and a caffeine crash, and my eyelids are peeling from sunburn.

Good day, my friends. Good day.