Here's the thing about blogging: you can't just disappear for 20 days without explanation. But that's what I did. And that's what I'm doing. A thing happened, and I'm sad, and it's sort of the elephant in the room, and I don't want to talk about it. So we're fast-forwarding through the dark and dreary, and picking up not at all where we left off.
So there's that.
I've been trying my best to portray positivity. Which is funny because I ooze snark and can be kind of a bitch. Sometimes. When I want. But when I'm going through a tough time I don't want to be that person anymore. The one who wallows and drowns and paints a picture of misery all over the internet. Sometimes I'm too open, and I don't want that vulnerability. I don't want the entire world gaping directly into my wide open broken heart or broken spirit every time I break. So if it means taking a leave of absence from blogging and Twitter and social media as a whole, so be it. I can't always be "on," but I don't want to spend days and weeks at a time being "off," either. So I'll just be. Offline.
Blogging my way through tough times can be cathartic. Lord knows I've done it. Over and over. But as time goes on, I feel like I'm losing a part of myself. Like people can see too deeply inside. Nothing is sacred. Or mine. I share too much of myself, which is unfortunately my downfall both on and off the internet. Such a huge part of me longs for a time when everything I ever did was not documented somewhere on the internet; more recently, on Twitter. I miss when the world was small. It felt safer.
If I'm being honest, this is just my way of saying I'm crawling back into my damn shell. But maybe I need that. Look at me, I'm a turtle. But at least turtles are cute, I guess...
This isn't to say I'm vanishing from the internet. I already did. I took my time away, and now I'm here, haphazardly explaining that time away. I'm just coming back to you with more caution. More trepidation. My heart is no longer on my sleeve. It's in my fucking pocket. Zipped up. With a padlock.
In other words, prepare yourself for lots of pictures. And blog posts about cat poop and "Dexter" marathons. I can't use the internet as my emotional outlet. I'm sure I'll come back around one day, and we'll all sit around our computer screens and talk about our feelings, but until then, HEY LOOK! NEAT PICTURES I TOOK WITH A CRAZY APP ON MY SMART PHONE!