This is what he gets for peering at my calendar.

Scene: Me, at my desk. Donovan, observing me at my desk.

"What are those stickers?"

"Reminders of when to insert and extract my Nuva Ring for birth control purposes."

Silence.

"I'm sorry I asked. I already know enough about your vagina." *

* Editor's note: This, people, is not true. Well, maybe a little. But I promise it's only because Donovan is gay, and I can tell him details about the state of my vagina, as though he were a girlfriend. And my girlfriends? Well, they know everything about my lady parts.

P.P.S. I promise to never use the word "vagina" again. Not ever.