They come in peace.

We got a new phone system at work that is so intense we had a training session just to learn our extensions. OK, that's a little dramatic. But we DID have a training session. And I DO have a five-digit extension. FIVE. I might as well have my own phone number. Except now I DO have my own phone number, and the five-digit extension is for inter-office calling, and if I hit the red button on the receiver, I am skyrocketed to outerspace.

Seriously.

I'm staring at this phone waiting for it to talk to me, or something. It's just sitting there. With a screen. And fancy functions. Is it a spaceship? A telephone? If I swipe my debit card, can I retrieve cash from my checking account? I really don't know.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when it rings.