Them there elderly folk.

(A phone conversation I had today with an elderly man about a proposed amendment to the Constitution of the State of Wisconsin, which will ban civil unions and gay marriages. It may or may not have been slightly exaggerated to express the utter moron-itude of said elderly man).

Elderly Man: Did your (place of employment) take a stand on that there homosexual law?

Self: No, sir. The article reflected the views of both sides of the issue. (Read: gay marriage, gay marriage, gay marriage!).

EM: Well, huh. I think ya'll should do some of that genetic testing on them there homosexuals. There's some studies out there. Thems homosexuals got some genetic mutations in 'em.

Self: OK, sir. But I have a journalism degree. I can't perform genetic research on homosexuals. Or on anyone for that matter. (Read: You're a moron).

EM: ... genetic mutations, for sure. Thems homosexuals. Somethin' ain't right...

Self: OK, sir. Can I help you in any other way? (Read: Hurry up. I'm on my way out the door to attend a lesbian wedding).

EM: Can I ask your opinion on that there homosexual law? Because, see, I'm a psychiatrist. There needs to be some genetic testing. Mutations... homosexuals...

Self: Well, sir, I need to further research the topic before I express my view publicly. (Read: You belong in a nursing home, Old Man, where your nurse, roommate AND aid are all homosexual. And... AND they're married. GAY-ly married. Gasp.)

EM: OK, then. I still think it's a good there idea to do some of that there genetic research, OK? Next time. Genetic research for thems mutations... OK then.

Self: OK, sir. Thanks for your call. (Read: I hope your grandchildren are gay).

I highly suspect he is the husband of the grandma who recently wrote 'Dear Abby' to ask whether a circumcision would cure her grandson of his homosexuality. No, but I've heard lobotomies cure senility.