I've got the grumps today. I 100 percent blame the unbearably hot weather, but that's beside the point. I've got the grumps, and I'm grumpy at people and places and things. A friend wrote a very poignant post about friendships the other day, and it got me thinking. And additionally grumpy. The majority of my friendships are genuine and unshakable. Just the way I like them. But there are still a select few that regularly leave me shaking my head. They leave me feeling like I'm solely there to fill a need. A specific purpose. Like, "Oh, little single Krista, she's like a little pet." I'm there at a moment's notice, typically. Because, why wouldn't I be? I'm single, right? You're bored -- who do you call? ME.
But when I'm unavailable, when I'm not there to fill that immediate void... boom. I'm a jerk. On come the condescending remarks. The silent treatments. The guilt trips. Suddenly I feel like the asshole because, Wait a minute. Should I be available? Am I being a bad friend by having other plans? I start feeling selfish and guilty.
Until I realize, hell no.
Friendships are two-way streets. Give and take. Not take and take. They need to be treated with respect. Not taken for granted. Take stock of the people in your life. Why are they there? I want them to be there because I genuinely care about their presence in my life. I enjoy them. I respect them. If a person is in my life because at this particular point in time I need to fill a void, no. I don't want that, and I don't want to be that.
This seems to happen every time, but I've learned a lot about people in the last week or so in terms of meeting a new love interest. People react in peculiar ways. Some are happy, some are excited, some want to know all there is to know. Others are skeptical, others are uninterested, others are not-so-subtly annoyed because, "What do you mean you aren't the only single girl in the world anymore, and you can no longer be my pet?"
I probably shouldn't have written this post now, while I'm particularly grumpy and over-sensitive, but that's what blogs are for, right? Therapy.
I'm just sort of pissed, dangit. And grumpy. And over-sensitive. I'm not always a perfect friend. But it's times like these that make me realize my imperfections and fill me with the desire to fix it. I don't want to take friendships for granted. And I don't want to be the one on the receiving end.
Unicorns. There, I feel better.