Dear Harley, Hi. Meow. Whatever language it is that you speak. Listen. I get it. You apparently have some sort of bellyache. Thought maybe it was irritable bowels, so I bought you new food. Good food. Grain-free. Expensive. You currently eat better and healthier than I do. How do you feel about that?
After several weeks, it seems as though this issue of yours has not subsided. I just have to say this: When my belly aches, the first thing I think to do is not shit on the floor. Ever. In fact, and I suppose I should fact-check this with my parents, I have never, not even one time, shit on the floor. In 28 years. Ever.
Stop it. Like, last week.