That time I was certain I was going to be attacked in my own apartment.

I'd just gotten out of the shower. I was absolutely naked, obviously. My BlackBerry was in hand, of course, because when is my BlackBerry NOT in my hand? Let's be real. I had to finish my text conversation. Come on, people. Priorities. I heard the knock at the door then. A loud knock. But not just a knock. A constant pounding. My first thought: "Shit. I'm naked." I wasn't about to scramble for clothes to answer my door at 9:45 at night.

The knocking DID NOT STOP. Um, OMG? Help? I turned down my TV, but knew whoever it was already heard it. They knew I was inside. I snuck over to the peephole, BUT IT WAS COVERED. Whoever was on the other side was covering my peephole.


They wouldn't stop knocking. Now my heart wouldn't stop pounding. But I was still naked. Obviously at this point clothes were, like, not my top priority, as my life and well-being had taken that position in my mind. Because I didn't know what else to do, I crept back into my bathroom and closed the door. That does a lot of good in a studio apartment, by the way. As my bathroom is in my living room is in my bedroom.

Please go away, please go away, please go away, OMG, if someone breaks in I'M NAKED. I promptly threw on my bathrobe. Not sure why I didn't consider that option before. Oh, I know. BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I'M GOING TO DIE.

The knocking was constant at this point. I admired the persistance. Almost. I mean, it was as endearing as my pending death could get.

"Aw, look at you, all persistent! And you're even knocking! As opposed to just breaking the door down and chopping me up while my cats watch!"


Again, I snuck over to the peephole. The knocking stopped then. The peephole was uncovered. OMG, I'm saved!

"I see your feet." It was a growling voice.

OMFG. What?!

The voice repeated. And suddenly it was familiar. I whipped open the door.


It was my sister. My heart was stopped. My hair was wet. She was giggling.

"I was just trying to surprise you!"

OMG I was just trying to figure out how to kill an intruder with nothing but my bare hands and an aluminum water bottle!

Family. Seeeeriously. Will be the death of me.