So, about that one time I almost died.

I took a pill this morning. A generally large-ish, round tablet that is cut in half, leaving it with rather sharp corners.

In my rush to get ready this morning in 32 minutes or less (sounds like a good amount of time...), I ran to the fridge, grabbed some water, and popped the pill. Only, it got lodged. In my throat. Sharp corner digging into my tender, tender esophagus.


So, I can't breathe. And I cough. And said sharp pill comes shooting OUT of my throat. (Phew!) But it left a nasty, nasty residue in my throat. And also a gouge. A painful, burning gouge. In my esophagus, which, I'm not sure if you're aware, I NEED for things such as breathing properly and swallowing, etc.

I force more water down my throat, in an attempt to wash away the residue, and heal the probably gaping hole now probably tearing into my intestines. But it burns and it tastes bad and, help, because I have a gouge in my esophagus.

So, naturally, I turn to eating. I mean, why not? There's only a HOLE in my sensitive, pink throat. And, because, what else would I eat, I choose a rice cake. Which is hard. And crunchy. And not at ALL helping the burning, gaping pit, which is now my esophagus.

Now I'm desperate. And nothing is helping. And I swear I can feel air breeze past my necklace each time I inhale. So, I lay down in my bed, defeated. Face up. Staring at the ceiling. Wondering what it would be like to have a tracheotomy. Oh, wait. I KNOW. Because I just gave myself one.

And I'll have you know I'm at work now. And my throat still hurts. And that gouge? It's still there. And each time I swallow, I can taste bitter, poisonous pill, and that? That is gross.