Dear Asshole Downtown Drivers, Wow! You're in a hurry, huh? Gosh, you better get where you're going fast. Boy, I hope you're not late!
I see you in your pretty, pretty Lexus, talking on your cell phone. You know what helps? Your business suit! You look professional. Ready to go. Important. And do you know where I am? Waiting at the cross walk, as I should be. When I get the go ahead to cross, I'm going to do it.
But oh no, you don't see me. Because you are tough and important and professional, and you NEED to turn the corner right now. And when I am still crossing the street, in your way, of course, you don't like it. You make impatient hand gestures, roll your eyes, slam on the brakes.
I am a jerk! In your way!
For future reference, no matter how close you creep your vehicle to my kneecaps, I'm not going to walk any faster to get out of your way. In fact, you know what? I'm going to take my SWEET ASS TIME.
I hate you. That is all.