Oh, hi! Internet's working now.

So, whoops... the Internet hasn't really been functioning all that well around these parts, and because typing an entire post from my BlackBerry gives me carpal tunnel, I've been neglectful. But hi! I'm here! Missed you!

Er, wait... that's awkward.

Are all of you freaking out about the damn swine flu? If it's not SARS or bird flu or recession or terrorists, apparently it's pigs we're to be afraid of now. I feel like this would be a good time to up and leave the country and go live in a plastic bubble in the desert somewhere. I'm pretty sure that because I don't have health insurance (like, I don't know, 92 percent of the unemployed country right now...) I'm going to contract this apparent pig flu, like, tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure it'll be God's way of telling me he HATES MY GUTS. God's all, "Here, have some pig flu. And find a job while you're at it."

So, the inaugural Wisconsin Marathon is this weekend. It's in Kenosha. Uh, I'm sorry, but Kenosha is as good as it could get? Really? Way to represent our state... Although I suppose Madison, Milwaukee, the Fox Cities and Green Bay already have their own marathons. But Kenosha, really? Might as well run through Beloit...

Cough.

I'll be running the half. I'm really only doing it because I heard the medals are shaped like a wedge of cheese. One's truly got to love this state.

What else can we talk about while I have a working Internet connection? OH. The new Jodi Picoult book, "Handle With Care," is good. I was kind of over her for a hot minute because she was turning into a formulaic female version of Nicholas Sparks (e-v-e-r-y book is the SAME), but this book is almost of "My Sister's Keeper" caliber. If you like her, you'll love the book. Promise.

Stay tuned for tales of the veterinary clinic...