Of course I'm going to review 'Eclipse,' who do you think I am?

Saw 'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse' at 12:02 a.m. on its release day. Seeing it again this afternoon. Am likely joining a girlfriend on Monday to see it again. I liked it. Clearly. I won't do a critical, scene-by-scene analysis. I won't give away spoilers. But if you haven't read the books, and plan to see the movie, I will judge you harshly. YOU CAN'T NOT READ THE BOOKS. Look, I just got all double-negative on you.

I view the movies for what I feel they are - companions of the books. Eye candy. A treat. I don't think one should go without the other. To see the movies without reading the books seems silly. And quite frankly, I think the movies would be significantly not very good and/or interesting without the context of the books. The movies give us faces and visuals and Robert Pattinson. Duh. No one's winning any awards for them. They aren't cinematic masterpieces. They aren't supposed to be. They're supposed to entertain those of us who care to be entertained by them. And I love them with my big, puffy heart.

And to the people having conniptions because OMG THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE WTF VAMPIRES CAN'T SPARKLE NOW GENERATIONS OF VAMPIRES ARE RUINED BY THIS SHIT YOU SUCK OMG SOMEONE GET ME A BEER I HATE THE WORLD DAMN YOU TWILIGHT. Uh, dude. Really? A) vampires are fictional. They are not real. I could write a book tomorrow and my vampires could glow in the dark because you know what? IT'S FICTION. B) Look at the source. And its intended audience. A Mormon mom writing a series of fictional books for young adults. I mean, really. Is she supposed to make the books violent and bloody and fiery and dark? Do you think 14-year-old girls are going to feel warm and fuzzy reading that? No. This is why we adults have 'True Blood.' But that doesn't mean we adults don't also like 'Twilight.'  So get over the sparkling vampires. Do you really think people can turn into Transformers? OK then.

So, moving on.


Finally the acting is reaching an acceptable level. I thought there was a significant improvement between 'Twilight' and 'New Moon,' but finally, it's good. Kristen Stewart's wig is awful, and I'm still not a fan of the mop they put on Ashley Greene, but looking at Edward, and also Jacob's Abs (they get to be their own noun), makes up for it. We finally get some face time with Rosalie and Jasper, two characters otherwise mostly ignored throughout the movies. And finally Rosalie is as gorgeous as she's portrayed in the books. I was kind of mindblown. Pretty, pretty vampire. Her backstory, as well as Jasper's, is explored, which is nice. Glad they didn't cut those from the movie.

Taylor Lautner is a phenomenal little actor. Seriously. And he's kind of pretty - those teeth. So white. I was a little bummed that much of his angst from the novel was axed, but he did good with the angst he was given in the movie. I will credit the movies for making me actually like the character. All the way through all four novels I hated Jacob. He was such a twit. Like, back the hell up off Bella, GOD. Eye-roll. Etc. But Taylor Lautner kind of makes him precious. And funny. He's got some good, little quips. As opposed to my thoughts while reading the novels, I actually feel bad for him throughout the movies. He's good. Convincing.

With all of that said, omg Edward. Still Team Edward. And really, if you've read all of the books, why does Team Jacob exist? It's a moot point. Think about it, and his entire purpose, and the turnout of the novels. THERE DOESN'T NEED TO BE A TEAM JACOB. There is no argument on who's meant to be with Bella. But I digress. Back to the movie...

I love Bryce Dallas Howard as a person, she's freaking adorable. Seriously. Did you see her on Jimmy Kimmel Live? Love. But she's no Victoria. Completely weak compared to Rachelle Lefevre, who was just wicked. Howard's Victoria doesn't have the hair, either. Seriously. The hair is key. She's lacking some of the fierce we had with Lafevre. But I wasn't completely disappointed. Besides, doesn't matter now anyway.

I'm beginning to not entirely like Dakota Fanning as Jane. It might just be I don't like Dakota Fanning, really. I'm not sure what it is. She's defintely not my favorite in the movie. But whoever played Riley was awesome. The movie completely ramped up the character, and he was good. Approved. Opening scene of the movie? Fabulous.

Amongst my favorite supporting characters: Charlie and Jessica. Jessica became my most favorite in 'New Moon' because she's just damn hilarious. But Charlie I just want to pat on the head and keep in my pocket. So precious. And such a good dad. Billy Burke is perfect, perfect, perfect for the role.

I was literally speeding through the book (for the third time) as I was waiting in line for the movie, so watching the film immediately after kind of skewed it for me. The time lapses and blending of scenes and little pieces of story that were cut were obvious, but I don't think it had a negative impact on the movie overall. It worked. The angst dance between Jacob and Bella that happens for chapters on end in the book were cut to, basically, one scene with much less angst, but it'll do. I love the banter between Edward and Jacob in this movie. They finally truly interact, and while they mostly hate each other, it's still hilarious to see their jabs at one another. Their conversation and scene in the tent is one of my favorite scenes yet from any of the films.

Hottest scene: the almost-sex between Edward and Bella. It's nice to finally see Edward less robotic and more delicious. He shows more personality this time around. He's less angry and gloomy and dead. AND he's Robert Pattinson, so... meow. I also think the chemistry between Edward and Bella is finally accurately portrayed in this film. I think the movies have given Bella and Jacob amazing chemistry, and still do, but Edward and Bella have always kind of lacked. Which should not be the case. They are the entire point of the story. But it's not the case anymore. Approved.

The fight scenes were awesome. The wolves are less "WTF dumb graphics" and more "WHOA NEATO." The graphics, period, are 9.4352 billion times better than anything the first movie could've produced. The last 45 minutes of the movie made the entire movie 78 percent more fantastic.

Overall, loved the movie. But so far I've loved all of them, solely because I love the story. And Robert Pattinson. Can't please everyone. No one could ever perfect that story to a tee in a film. Even with the horrid acting and graphics in 'Twilight,' I was enamored like a 15-year-old girl. Approved.

I am now waiting on pins and needles for women everywhere to start demanding engagement rings identical to Bella's. Wait for it. You saw it here first.