I finally crawled out of bed and came downstairs to watch "Twilight." Yes, it's very hard to be able to watch "Twilight" at 9 a.m. on a Thursday. Hard to be Krista. I bought this movie the literal second it was released on DVD, yet have only watched the DVD once. Well, working on the second time around.
Watching it is, like, an event. I have to prepare. I get heart palpitations, I swear to God. I haven't quite grasped what it is about this franchise that is turning every grown ass woman into a 'tween.
OH WAIT. Yes I have. EDWARD F-ING CULLEN.
I'm sorry, but he is... the sexiest thing alive? Or, not alive, actually. He's a vampire. Dead. The sexiest thing dead. Stephenie Meyer is a goddamn genius. How she turned a fictional character in a book into a a demi-god, I'm not sure. Because that's what it is. Without the context of the book, the movie is sub-par. The acting's not even that great. But because I've read the books (more than once), the movie is the GREATEST THING EVER, OMG.
Edward is mind-blowing. Robert Pattinson is even more mind-blowing. All dark and ominous and has a hot mouth. Seriously. That mouth. All vampire-y and make-out-y. That man makes a beautiful Edward. I say "beautiful," but I mean "absolute, unbelievable sexy beast."
If I was going to be a total girl, I'd admit that it's the love crap that makes me love the books and movie, but I won't say that out loud. Ever. I would also say that I would like a vampire to sneak into my bedroom window and worship ravage me, but I won't do that either.
Because I am a grownup.
A friend of mine was sitting on the couch the other night watching "The Office" with her husband. But, secretly, she had "Twilight" playing silently on her laptop. Husband was none the wiser. Funniest shit I've heard all week.
So, anyway, I have to go now. Edward is currently sparkling on the television screen with his chest bared. And I just missed my favorite "say it... out loud. SAY IT" part. And he just told Bella he's never wanted a human's blood more. He may as well have just taken her clothes off right there, because that's how dirty it sounded.
I need to stop.