I wonder if you know how much I love you, The Knot.

You see, it's almost Christmas, and as you know, Christmas is like a free pass for wedding necessities that are not a penalty against your Wedding Budget. At first I thought, "Huh. What wedding necessities can I get for Christmas?" A wedding ring? No. Our photographer? No. The entire reception? Uh.

No, The Knot. These are not acceptable Christmas gifts from family members.

But, cake toppers? Toasting flutes? Cake cutting sets? Unity candles? Eeeep! Suddenly I'm in a world of wedding bliss, The Knot. You have ev-er-y-thing.

I want it all! You even have our golf tee party favors. Sigh.

Although, I sort of want to kill you because you're telling me I have 12 overdue items on my wedding planning to-do list, such as planning my hairdo and finalizing the guest list. Hi, I still have to grow OUT my hair and, uh, guest list? Will Mom be there? OK, cool.

You're also telling me to contact local newspapers to announce the engagement. We don't HAVE engagement photos. We want them, can't afford them (right now). Can't it wait?

And, The Knot, we need to have a talk. An average wedding, according to you, costs $20,000. If I had $20,000 I'll tell you what I'd do with it, Knot. I would pay for my entire wedding, honeymoon, etc. And then buy a car.

Thanks, though.