One of those days. I'm pretty sure they're called One Of Those Days for a reason. Because they are one of those days. One of those days I would've rather stayed in bed. Hit "dismiss" instead of "snooze." One of those days that I woke up at 4:51 a.m. then couldn't fall back asleep because my mind was wandering. One of those days where an afternoon conversation left me in tears at my desk. One of those days where the boy who sits behind my cubicle who I'm pretty sure is the unabomber reincarnate came back from lunch with a scoop of vanilla frozen custard in a dish from Culvers. With jimmies on it. Because he saw me cry.
"Feel better," he said, quietly. And then he went back to plotting to destroy Earth. I'm pretty sure.
It was one of those days, guys.
I'm generally a happy person. Very happy lately. My training has been going amazing. I'm forming awesome friendships with some super fabulous people. But sometimes a person just needs to have Today. One of those days.
Sometimes it feels like nothing goes right, you know? My job, I hate it. I feel useless. I feel bored. I feel like I can't do it right. I feel like I'm wasting away everything I've got to offer. I feel like if I have to go back one more day I'm going to suffocate on my own agony. I'm still getting rejection letters in the mail from jobs I already gave up on months ago.
Rejection. There's that lovely word. Rejection is so harsh. No matter what rejected you. No matter who rejected you. No matter how much you thought the rejection wouldn't matter when it came around and bit you in the ass. I just want acceptance. Just once.
My head hurts. My brain hurts. My heart hurts. My feet hurt, but I blame my shoes.
I skipped my run tonight, which is severely stressing me out. I haven't missed a single workout all month. My running has been going great. I feel good. My body feels good. My legs feel strong. I'm getting faster. Tonight I just didn't want to go. I wanted to curl up and do nothing instead. So I ate pizza, guaranteeing that I wouldn't be able to run when I was done. There was no reason not to run, my head just didn't want to. I wanted to pout instead. Running isn't always a release for me. I'm not like most people. I have to be happy to run, usually. And today I just wasn't, which makes me sad.
I should've gone for a run.
At least tomorrow is not today. So I'm happy about that.