FUCK. OK, you know what? I have an irrational disorder. I am absolutely psychotically appalled by the sound of chewing. Slurping, chewing - all of it. It makes me absolutely insane. Like, if therapy would work (which apparently it doesn't, I hear) I'd pay thousands for it.
I grew up running away every time my dad opened a can of soda (still do) and clenching my fists under the dinner table as I ate with my family.
And now it's like karma is out to fucking kill me.
I share an office with my coworker. A tiny, tiny office. One window. No air to breathe. NOWHERE to run. And I swear to fucking god, this girl is by far THE MOST obnoxious chewer I've ever encountered in 27 years of psychotic episodes.
Do you know what it's like to be locked in a silent room with someone who's eating an apple? Not just eating an apple, slurping an apple. And she doesn't drink from a soda can, she slurps from a soda can. And not the accidental slurp. Like the kind you can't help. She actually physically, purposefully slurps every sip. Loud, awful, disgusting slurps.
I WANT TO FUCKING HIT HER.
She chews with her mouth open. Her lips smack.
When I play Pandora to drown her out, SHE JUST SINGS ALONG.
Bitch, I'm trying to make you GO AWAY.
This is going to be the longest six weeks of my fucking life.