People, I am trying SO HARD to be an obedient, little health enthusiast while training for this half marathon, and I just... can't... do it! I have gone so far as to eat oatmeal for breakfast (ew?), yogurt as a snack, salad for lunch and (when I'm not eating frozen pizza as if it were the absolute last meal I'll ever eat) a sensible dinner.
And I'm doing quite well on some aspects of this plan, minus the occasional Twizzler Pull-N-Peel, beef stick and (currently) handful of Nacho Cheese Doritos. But I'm drinking lots of water and eating carrots when I'm hungry and limiting the number of slices of pizza I eat when it's frozen pizza night, because I absolutely beyond all life refuse to give up frozen pizza since I'm convinced Earth would cease to rotate, all plant-life would die and I would be forced to eat ants for the remainder of my days, if I gave up Tony's pepperoni pizza.
It is that serious.
But this morning? A co-worker brought "birthday donuts" to work, and at the sight of the large bakery box I silently cursed the day I was born.
"No," I told my self. Firmly, mind you. "No, you will not eat a donut."
I mentally tried to convince myself to eat the packet of instant oatmeal I had tucked in my desk drawer. Never mind that it is the texture and density of dog vomit. Eat it and prosper. Go on, young one, and be healthy.
But, no. The donuts? They were many and varied. Differing in size, shape, color and texture. Chocolate! Glazed! Probably only 80 (THOUSAND) calories! Absolute heaven. So I ate one. And I regret it.
And the absolute second I begin to gain weight as I did while training for the marathon, I am giving up on life and eating celery. Or perhaps laying off the pizza.