In which my heart ACTUALLY stopped beating.

This is the headline I read on CNN this morning: U.S. ready for draft.



(Also, heart stops beating).

As a woman, I have no personal need to fear the draft. I am not a man between the ages of 18 and 26. However, as the soon-to-be wife of a man between the ages of 18 and 26, who was just honorably discharged from the United States Navy, and therefore is all military-ish, if necessary, I have EVERY REASON TO STOP BREATHING.

Because I'm going to Hell and apparently not patriotic at all whatsoever, I begged and pleaded and prayed every day until The Fiance was honorably discharged and therefore (hopefully) wouldn't be sent to war. I threatened that we would leave the country and go AWOL if they ever came for him. Because prison is such a better option. Clearly.


Anyway, so, there's that. (P.S. The Fiance was never in Iraq for war while in the Navy. Thank God).

So now he's all honorably discharged, and whatnot, and a flag hangs all triangular-ly folded on his grandma's wall, and we can all say, "Aw, see? Our lovely The Fiance served his military duty and is also still alive to tell us about it." And then I add, "And he totally never has to go back, EVER."

But now there is word of THE DRAFT. Excuse me? Could I not maybe be warned of such actions? Are you REALLY going to force The Fiance and I to go AWOL before we're even married, and spend the rest of our lives in prison? How will we ever get a Boxer?

I read the headline. And panicked. In my head I began calculating all the possible ways for The Fiance to avoid the draft. We could cut off one of his toes. Amputate a hand? Fake asthma? Bad vision? I think we could have this draft dodging thing down.


And then I read the whole story, which included this:

"But virtually no one expects the bill to have any chance of passage, and incoming Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Monday the Democratic Party's House leadership would not support Rangel's proposal"

Ha. Ha. Silly, Krista. Getting all worked up for nothing.