In which I use the words "gyrate" and "'F' word," and what more do you need?

I may or may not have, in my life, seen N'Sync in concert five times. And I just said that out loud, and if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bury my head in the snow because, I don't know if you know this, there's plenty of it. I also used to, with my girl friends, watch N'Sync videos on VHS, and hit "slow motion" on the remote at any point when they would gyrate in any particular fashion. Oh God, make it stop. All this word vomit! I can't help it! I was 15! And pre-pubescent! And I mean, really, you can't hate on the gyration-fascination of a 15-year-old until you've experienced it yourself. (So probably go watch the "I Want You Back" video, stat. I'm just sayin.')

Alright, I'm totally done with that conversation now.

And now that you guys are all, "Oh my God, this broad's a teeny bopper, WTF," and have officially stopped reading my blog (I was 15!!), I shall continue.


The radio has been giving away (giving away!) tickets for next week's Justin Timberlake concert in Chicago. Every morning. And because I have the luck of a fuzzy baby Alaskan seal who is ferociously eaten alive by Shamu, the killer whale, on the shores of a glacier, which is melting as a result of global warming, I do not win. Not ever.

You guys are probably all, "I'm so sure. Justin Timberlake? Barf." But, hi, were you not around when he brought sexy back? God. I do not hide from my love. He may or may not at one point been party to an ensemble of men who are now either, A) gay, B) singing songs which utilize the elementary school acronym of A.D.I.D.A.S. (All day long I dream about sex. And, elementary school? Really? Were we saying those things?) or C) one of those other two guys. But now he sings things such as the "F" word and, "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave." And he has very publicly, in his latest video, participated in the hibbity-bibbity with Scarlett Johansson, who, let's be honest, is hot, thus making it a very not-ugly, good time on MTV.

All that being said, is it so wrong for me to want to see the man in concert?

So, anyhow, back to this morning, which I think we were talking about. Or maybe we were just talking about the "F" word, but whatever. Concert tickets. On the radio. Back at it.

So I'm driving to work, listening to my favorite morning radio show, when they tell me, "We're giving away Justin Timberlake tickets, next." And I'm like, "What? YES! Now is my chance! Come forth, and I shall prosper!" And I anxiously await "next." Except then the radio station begins to fade out, as it always does when I reach the county line during my commute, and my heartbeat begins to slow, as though I might, at any moment, DIE.

Meanwhile, the radio station continues to play commercial after commercial after commercial, and if I have to hear about, "Hurry! Stop in today before it's too late!" from the local Toyota dealer, I'll hyperventilate. And the static grows. And I'm panicking. And, Judas Priest, does not the county line and radio station both know that I am TRYING to win Justin Timberlake tickets, and could you PLEASE refrain from fading out on me now, during commercial break for crying out loud?

And then, as if commanded by God, himself, the radio show is back on. And they're talking. And talking. And talking about nothing important, and is this not the "next" they were referring to 11 minutes ago, so why are you not giving away Justin Timberlake tickets right now before my radio station fades to black?

I have my cell phone ready to go, the phone number already punched into the keys. All I have to do is hit "call" if they ever shut the "F" word up and give the tickets away to the 14th caller. But she doesn't shut up. And then - then, people - they play a song. A song! The "next" thing they did was not only not give away Justin Timberlake tickets, but they played a song by the band Hinder. A song I despise so much it gives me the shakes.

Why? Why?

And then the static took over the station. And I was left heartbroken, cell phone open in hand, with no radio station to call. And this entire post was a whole load of nonsense just to tell you that, no, people, I did not win Justin Timberlake tickets on the radio this morning, but don't you feel better now? I do.