If you're still out there, hello.

I haven't actually sat at a computer and blogged and surfed Facebook and Twitter in FOREVER. Almost forgot how to use this thing. BUT GOOD THING MY TRAINING CLASS HAS PREPARED ME TO TURN IT ON. Cough.

My BlackBerry (bless its ever-loving soul) has pretty much made my need for a computer obsolete, which, really, is fantastic. But you try blogging on a hand-held device. Sucks. Gets me all arthritis-y. So it's good to be back in the world of computers.

So, hi there. I've missed you.

My job, if nothing else, has proven just how cushy every other job I've ever had in my entire life has been. There is absolutely no Internetting allowed. No Facebook, no tweeting, no blogging, no emailing. Our breaks are mandated by Jesus Christ, himself. If we punch back in even 63 seconds late, alarms sound. SWEAR-TO-GOD, I'm not lying.

All of a sudden the main phone in the training classroom will ring, and God will be all (utilizing best God voice): "KRISTA PUNCHED IN EXACTLY 63 SECONDS LATE, WHERE IS SHE?" And I'm all at my desk, like, "WTF? Can't a girl go pee?"

That answer is no.

Speaking of going pee, the other afternoon, one of the grown-ass baby mama women in my training class raised her hand and said, I shit you not, "I have to go potty."

WHAT. THE FUCK.

You guys. This is my life. We go "potty" and Jesus Christ mandates our lunch breaks and I CAN'T BLOG, not even a little.

The only perk? Health insurance. Got to go to the 'giney doctor last week. And I might be the only woman in the planet excited to go to the 'giney doctor because WHEEEE! DO YOU SEE MY HEALTH INSURANCE? BECAUSE I HAVE IT. I CAN HAS HEALTH INSURANCE!

Oh, sigh. That is all I have to say about that.