I wouldn't so much call it a diet.

I foresee several more posts in the immediate future, because I have so much to SAY, people, but let me begin with how many calories I've eaten today.

Yes, you heard. How many calories. Because today, I'm counting. And I'm up to 900.


I think?

I don't know what is or is not a good amount of calories to take in, so I thought I'd take a look at an average day, and see just how many calories I consume. Do you know 400 of those said 900 calories came from this morning's poptarts? Ew? And just 150 came from my chicken noodle soup? While 60 came from the one tablespoon of Nerds I ate this morning. (Yes, I limited myself to one serving size to see just how ridiculously small the serving size is, and yes, it is just as unsatisfying). I also consumed 220 calories of a granola bar.

So let's say I'm on a 1,500-calorie diet. Is that enough? No? Maybe? SOMEONE HELP ME. More importantly, I would then only have 600 more calories to go before I reach my limit for the day. Scoff. That's, like, 10 tablespoons of Nerds, which I'm pretty sure I consumed last night, alone, while reading Sex and the City, which, by the way, is NOT GOOD. Nerds soothed the pain.

OH. OH. And I nearly forgot. SEVENTY of today's calories came from the FOUR CRACKERS I crumbled into my soup. I am aghast. I am known to use an ENTIRE package of crackers in one bowl of chicken noodle soup, but today I, again, limited myself to one serving. Little did I know I was consuming 475-million calories before.

Sigh. We'll see what happens with this small quest of mine. We bought lots of fruits and vegetables and salad mix (and Nerds and Twizzlers and poptarts) with groceries yesterday, so I'll see how long I can keep up this 1,500-calorie business. My guess is?

Until 7 p.m. tonight.