I didn't need that anyway.

I'm a slave to the flat iron. And, quite frankly, if you had to deal with hair that turns to shit the instant the humidity levels hit at least 4 percent, you'd understand. My hair needs to be straightened, or it needs to be pulled back into its typical, lazy, unattractive mess of a ponytail. I prefer the latter, if for no reason other than it's much quicker to pull off, but sometimes it's nice to feel like a girl. And leave my hair down.

So yesterday I had the ambition to leave my hair down. I plugged in the flat iron, let it do its heating-up thing, and ran it through a chunk of my hair. A chunk that promptly shriveled and pulled right out with the flat iron.

Oh. My God.

The dang thing burnt my hair off! Through some sort of malfunction, my flat iron heated to approximately eighty-billion degrees and singed the hair right off my head.

Pretty. And also stinky. The apartment reeked of burnt hair, and I sat in the bathroom squealing because MY HAIR BURNT OFF.

Of course, it's only an under layer of hair, and it didn't do too much significant damage, but still. That was my hair.

So I bought a new flat iron last night, a process that I find to be the equivalent of naming ones first child. I stood in the aisle with three different flat irons, weighing the pros and cons of each.

Three inches? Or one inch? Ceramic? Wet hair use? Dry hair? $40? $15? Does-any-of-this-really-matter? Oh-my-God-it's-just-hair.

And I settled on a wet or dry hair usage flat iron for $24. Ceramic. And this morning my hair didn't go up in flames, so I feel my purchase was both non-regrettable and a success.

I feel better now. Thanks.