Pardon me while I carefully crawl out of the shell I'm hiding inside. I just had, easily, the most awkward conversation (of the week, at least). And I'm feeling so self-conscious right now that I'm even typing carefully for fear of drawing unnecessary attention to myself. Please note that I have an office. And there's no one around to even have their attention drawn to me. But still.
New headshots are being taken for work. Which means tomorrow I've got to head downtown with our photographer to snap some client-friendly, client-appealing and pretty, pretty pictures. Of... me. Right.
So, we're discussing logistics and he moves on to the topic of what to wear. Now, I partially forgive him because, well, he's a man. And what do they know? But. Today I'm wearing black dress pants. Heels. A solid green top. Earrings. My hair's pulled back into two small, low-to-the-neck pigtails because it's too short to pull back into one. He looks at me.
"Well, basically, just wear what you'd, you know, normally wear to work," he starts. Then hesitates. Looks. "Only, you know, less t-shirt."
I freeze, unable to disconnect eye contact for fear he'd know I'm recoiling in horror. This isn't a t-shirt, my brain was screaming. No! Wait. Is it? No, it's not. I refuse. It's nice. Solid. Pretty green. Shit. OMG do people think I'm a dirtbag?
And then he goes on...
"And just, you know, do your hair how you'd normally do it," he goes on. Looking. "Nothing crazy with it."
I falter. My smile is wavering as I nod. My damn pigtails. I knew it. I can't help that my hair's too short! They're small! I have a dainty headband, too, to add a touch of class! Shit.
Now I'm the girl in a t-shirt in pigtails.
And he's not done...
"So, right. And then, you know, no wild makeup or anything."
My shoulders noticeably lurch. That's where it stops. I do not wear wild makeup. I hardly wear makeup, and today's just a touch of pink on my eyelids. And mascara! I'M NOT EVEN WEARING CHAPSTICK RIGHT NOW, OMG.
I force my cheeks upward into a smile and nod again.
"Uh-huh!" I say. "OK! Great! Sounds awesome! See you tomorrow!" *INSERT BIG GIANT FAKE NERVOUS GRIN*
And he walks out of my office.
<HEAD HITS DESK>
Welp. Who's got a wardrobe I can borrow tomorrow?