Everyone I know, I met on the Internet.

I've made more friends in the past few months than I've made since graduating from college. Which sounds really cool, except I've never met any of them. And for all I know, these fellow bloggers and newlyweds are 48-year-old men who paint their toenails. But that's cool, because at least they're really funny.

The Internet has opened an entire world for me, as I believe is its purpose. I have an entire iLife. The people I've encountered through this blog, alone, are enough to entertain me for a good four, or five, minutes at a time. Suddenly I began talking about Blog Friends and So and So's Blog and This One Blog I Read, and all the technologically unadvanced people in my life, after first asking what a blog was, decided I was a freak.

You kids and your Internets.

So the blog friendships carried over to Facebook, which essentially christened the relationships. I'm not friends with just anyone on Facebook. It's an exclusive club, that one. I've been known to "delete" friendships I'm no longer interested in. And suddenly my list of Facebook friends has grown exponentially with a group of iFriends I've never met, but are, in fact, cooler than about 38 percent of the people I have met IRL.

IRL. In real life. See? I even speak an iLanguage. It's absurd. TIA, HTH, IMO, FWIW, GFY. All language of the WWW.

And then I joined a message board on The Knot. And the productivity level of my entire life has been drastically cut in half because no I will not clean the bathroom, I am busy on the Internet! Talking to my friends! And it's funny that I say "friends" because I do not know these people, and if I threaten Jeremy one more time with the potential meeting of one of my online pals, he's probably going to jump ship and demand to know what happened to that one girl. You know, the one he married, and the one who didn't talk about blog drama and GTGs with eBFFs and, "Oh my God, so, today on The Knot..."

That girl.