/end rant

You know when you're in a new relationship, and everything is neat and fresh and fun and precious? You're all, "Oh you wanna hold hands? OK!" And there are kisses and giggles and general schmoopiness? And you really just want to hold tight to that because in another 7, 8, 13 months, it won't be all puppies and butterflies and hand-holding? Because it'll be more like a, "Dude. Really? Just put your damn dishes IN THE SINK" kind of a thing. And everything is new! And there's so much to learn! And OMG! That all happens. Really. I've been in a relationship or nine... teen. So you know what? I like the schmoopiness. I've paid my dues to the Gods of Awful Relationships. It's my turn. It's my schmoop and I'll schmoop if I want to.

So if one more person gives me the stink eye because of it, I'M GOING TO FLUSH YOU DOWN THE TOILET.

Back off.

With utmost love and schmoopiness,