Do not self-diagnose.

Oh, hell. I just Googled the words "I have a colorless mole," and now I'm convinced I have melanoma. Like, I'm convinced to the point that I almost didn't write this post because it's too real, and I am real-life scared about it.

Normally when I'm feeling panicked or down-in-the-dumps I can blog about it and feel better, sort of make a mockery of it. Ha, ha, ha. Isn't this funny! Look! If I laugh, it's not real!

But you guys, seriously.

It's in my cleavage. Just on the edge, where my bikini top no longer provides coverage. An area frequently sunburned. I noticed it earlier this summer, when I had a pretty crappy sunburn. Sort of a raised area, sometimes it itched. I used to pick at it, especially when I was peeling, and it'd sometimes get a scab.

Now it's just there. It's raised, nothing like a mole, really. Just a... raised spot. It almost looks like two that are real close to each other. They don't have smooth edges, no color. It's more of a pink, flesh-like color. Colorless, almost. It doesn't hurt. If I poke at it with my fingernail, it itches.

Yes, I poke at it with my fingernail. I poke and pick. Like my mother.

But now I'm scared of it. MOB noticed it once. Yes, he looked. It's my cleavage.

"What is that?" he asked.

He asked because it's noticeably not normal.


Everyone is going to tell me to go to the doctor, but I'm pretty sure my insurance runs out very soon. And seeing as though money is hardly a luxury at this point, I am not willingly forking out money for things like cancer detection.

Or maybe?