Dangling carrot.

Mom called after work to tell me my sister could get me a job with her company. My jaw dropped.

What? A job? A real job with full time hours and excellent benefits? It'd require a move, as if I'm not used to that, and probably a roommate - her - but, OMG I WANT.

My life flashed before my eyes in that minute. Moving away from everything I no longer have here. Living with my sister, and having one of my favorite running pals right in town. A new start, for the forty-seventh time in the last two years.

PLEASE GOD, PLEASE. It sounded so great.

I called my sister immediately to find out what needed to be done to make it happen.

"I was wrong," she said. The company isn't hiring right now, like she thought.

Crash. There went my hopes and dreams of late night pillow fights with my big sister in our new apartment. Dammit. The carrot was dangled right in my face and I chased it. Then I was punched in the face.

So when I got off the phone, I did what I've been doing best: C-R-Y.

WHY? Why can't I just get out of here? Why can't things just work the hell out for me? Why does nothing but horrible things keep happening? What the hell did I do to piss off God so bad?

I didn't think I'd want to leave this town. I do love this town. It was my town first. I didn't care that I'd have to share it, I could manage. But now that the opportunity felt so close, I feel like I want nothing more. Like if I have to wake up in this city for one more day, I will explode.

So help me Jesus, one day I'm going to wake up - 10 years from now - and I'm going to think back on my mid-twenties and laugh. Hard.

I hope.