Bike? Bomb? I can see the similarities.

I apologize from my absence, for I have been busy watching the Brewers lose and plotting to destroy the world. However, here I am. And I just got back from the bank, which is an entirely different post for never. But a lot of huff and puff and panic and anger and phone calls and hungry bellies led me to ride my bike to the bank over the lunch hour to resolve some things.

I do not have a bike lock, which I am aware is a problem that needs to be resolved, but I've learned in this city it really doesn't matter. People don't so much want to steal your bike to ride it as they do want to steal your bike to piss you off, so if that means destroying your bike and/or your lock to get to it, so be it.

(Aside: This did not happen to me, but I've known it to happen).

So. I rode my bike to the bank. And took my bike inside the bank with me because, why the hell not? It's a bank. And a bike.


So, I'm standing near the teller counter all ho-hum, waiting for you all to solve my problems, la la, look at my bike, when a man with an ear piece and a suit comes my way. And he was in a hurry. And he was talk-talking into his earpiece ma-bob. Earpiece man is not pleased.

"Ma'am. MA'AM."

A) I am not a ma'am, B) what? Do I smell?

"Ma'am, we don't allow bikes in here."

Dude is pretty much ushering me out of the bank with my bike and without solving my problems I've been waiting two days to solve and THAT MAN HAS NOT RETURNED MY PHONE CALLS SO I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL HE TALKS TO ME!

"But... I've been waiting two days... it's a bike... I don't have a lock..."

"Ma'am, no bikes. Security."

NO BIKES? The woman at the teller in front of me has TWO SUITCASES ON WHEELS! You mean to tell me that she can load those bad boys with bombs, stroll her happy ass into this bank and blow it up BUT I CANNOT BRING IN MY CARBON-FRAMED BIKE THAT I CAN LIFT WITH ONE HAND, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!


"No ma'am. No bikes."


And so he takes my bike away and sends another security woman with it to stand OUTSIDE and WATCH IT while I do my banking.