I did something last night I haven't done since I was in high school. I went to Wal-Mart. At midnight. In squealing anticipation of new releases - both CD and DVD. (And I despise Wal-Mart, but not for the political, do-gooder reasons that most people hate Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart because every time I go there, there are 418 customers in line, and two lanes open. And the people in line are generally scary. And I'm impatient. And Wal-Mart, you suck).
Anyhow, not the point. The point is, today is Tuesday, Sept. 12. Do you REMEMBER what today is, people? Today is the release of fabulous, fabulous, must-have goodness. Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveSounds, John Mayer's Continuum and Grey's Anatomy: Season 2.
And Wal-Mart? The land of falling prices? Is the only place open at midnight to purchase these much, very much anticipated goodness items. So I stayed awake. All night. Like a school-girl waiting for Christmas. I mean, come on, this is John Mayer we're talking about. And did you SEE the season finale of Grey's Anatomy? DID YOU? Because I did. And I need to see it again. Like 18 more times. Before season three begins next week. And Justin Timberlake? Enough said, friends.
I needed these things. At midnight.
So I went to Wal-Mart at exactly 11:42 p.m. Bad idea. Because then I had to wander around WAL-MART for 18 minutes, where quite creepy individuals hang out. And then people like me who need to buy Justin Timberlake's CD the nanosecond it is released. (AND Grey's Anatomy, people. And John. Don't forget John).
Finally. 12:01 a.m. YESSS. And the clerk, the one who's been watching me stalk the empty New Release stand, finally realizes that, HELLO, I'm WAITING FOR JUSTIN. (And John. Grey's). And she must know this, because she walks over to me, Justin Timberlake in hand. And Grey's. But no John. WHERE'S JOHN!? Look. It's past my bedtime. I need my CDs. Gimme. So she hands me John. And I peruse my soon-to-be-purchases and see the words that break my small, beating heart: EDITED VERSION.
WHAT!? Ahem, sorry. Excuse me, what? The EDITED version of Justin Timberlake? Do you KNOW what he says on his album? In his song? "SexyBack"? Do you KNOW? He says the F-word. And it's EDITED on the radio. Every time I hear it, I have to hear, "Those other (mmmumbles) don't know how to act." I have been waiting MONTHS to hear Justin Timberlake, sweet N'Sync crooner, say the F-word. Aloud. And proud.
"I'm sorry. Wal-Mart only carries edited versions of CDs," she tells me.
My mind silently checks off another reason to hate Wal-Mart. Long lines and no F-words.
So I left Wal-Mart slightly defeated, but happy to have John and Grey's safely in tow. And this morning, first thing when I woke up, I went to TARGET (sweet, sweet TARGET) and bought the Parental Advisory Explicit Content version of FutureSex/LoveSounds, and the second thing I did was rip the cellophane off the CD, pop it into my CD player, turn to track two, turn up the volume, and listen to Justin Timberlake say the F-word.
And it was blissful.
Oh, and John? He's GOOD. Go buy it. And Grey's? Already watched three episodes.
I'm in (expletive) Heaven