This weekend passed too quickly. I feel like time is barreling out of control. I need it to s-l-o-w down so I can gather my thoughts. I had a great day yesterday - morning coffee with Mandy, a day spent with mom and dad, and an old school sleepover with Lori. I felt good and confident; ready to bust through week two of living a lone life.
Then yesterday ended, and it's today. A long, boring, lonely day. It's odd because I spent more than enough time alone before, but this alone feels much different. It's thick. I can't just call. I can't just visit. I have to constantly wonder.
I don't, however, cry. The daily crying stopped Friday. I just have a wavering heaviness in my chest. It comes and goes with my thoughts. I certainly won't miss it when it goes away.
What I do miss are my parents. I had a great pre-birthday birthday day with them. When they leave it feels even more lonesome because their presence fills every possible gap there is to fill. I have, without a doubt, the most amazing parents on earth.
Wednesday's my birthday. Twenty-seven. That feels like too many years. My sister's coming up to spend the evening with me and fill the gaps. I'll probably attempt to convince her to take me with when she leaves.
Speaking of going with her...
A potential opportunity is on the very near horizon. It'd only last about two-and-a-half months, but I'd get to work on a campaign in the state's capitol, helping with grassroots efforts and media outreach.
Details for a temporary transition are partially worked out, and my current apartment would stay put in the interim. But when the time's up come April, it'd be a game day decision: stay in the capitol or come back here?
It feels like a monumental decision. This opportunity is an amazing jumping off point to greater things. Who knows what could happen between now and April? I don't think I'd want to come back after a couple of good months away. It'd feel like ripping open the stitches.
But not coming back here would be permanent. No more. This city has played a very integral role in my life in the last four years. To leave it this time would be to leave it for good, and that closes a lot of chapters. And doors. Right now that almost sounds therapeutic. But also really scary.
Living in the capitol gives me my sister, brings me an hour-and-a-half closer to mom and dad, and roots me in a city that is new to me. No baggage. It sounds so refreshing. Baggage gets heavy, and I'm tired of carrying it. I'd really like to just throw it overboard.
So, there's that. Right now I am awaiting word on how much pay comes along with the job. Always comes down to money, doesn't it?
In a minute I'm going back to the couch, under the blanket, to watch TV. Because I have that now, TV. And it's glorious. I vow to never take it for granted again. Sweet, sweet television.