And why won't you return my calls?

Dear My Chemical Romance,

Uh, hi. Just need to make something clear here. Do you know I requested your friendship on MySpace like, oh, I don't know, exactly one month ago tomorrow? An entire month has passed, My Chemical Romance. Weeks. I've gotten engaged since. I've moved on. Where the Hell have you been?

Are you ignoring me, MCR? No, you know what? This isn't about My Chemical Romance. This is personal. Gerard Way, this is between me and you.

I know you've seen my friendship request. It's been sitting in your MySpace inbox for 30 days. And I know you haven't just abandoned MySpace. Oh, no. You've been online, I've seen you. Just Monday, Gerard, "Online Now!" flashed across your profile. Why are you doing this to me, Gerard? Why? I named a plant after you. An aloe plant. Even he is wilting. Giving up hope.

You were one of the first "friends" I requested on MySpace. In the time it's taken you to ignore my advances, 50 others have graciously accepted me into their Spaces. I mean, not to throw this in your face, but Panic! At the Disco, Keane and plenty others are, like, my best friends now. Jason Mraz and John Mayer totally made my Top 16 friends. You're hurting my heart, Gerard.

Always Waiting in Her Space,

And P.S. In totally unrelated news, Rediscover has a new CD. And I have it. Thanks to my music-savvy pal, Erin, who also led me to you, Gerard.

And I mean, no offense, but Rediscover and I are like this (insert fingers twisted together here). Yeah. We've been friends for, like, months. (Hi, Wesley! Hi! *blows kisses*)

So, Gerard, you might want to just re-think your boycott against my friendship because, well, I'll move on. I will.

(Photo credits: Um, that one band, on Google Images. And sweet, sweet Wesley & Co. of Rediscover from MySpace).