You see, one of my most favorite people in all the land is gay. He's loud (OK, or not so much). He's proud (Maybe? Hey you, are you proud?). He makes one Hell of a good Colorado Bulldog. And, hello, he appreciates the finer things in life - for example, The Fiance.
Each week, a publication at my Place of Employment, hits the streets and asks random strangers a random question. That particular week the question was, "What is the stupidest thing you've ever done for love?" And the stupidest answer was somewhere along the lines of, "My girlfriend wanted to marry me so she told me to sleep with her best friend and I did."
(Crickets chirp. Tumbleweed blows by).
Uh huh. Did your draw drop? Mine, too. Idiot men. Now, pick your chin up. Moving on...
So, in light of the ludicrousness of which we just read, I said to my Pal Who Is Gay, "You know, I'm just not comfortable marrying The Fiance until you sleep with him. I hope that's OK."
His response, quite immediately, was, "HELL YES! I mean, uh, sure, if that's what you think is best."
Now, The Fiance, he's a sport. (And NO, this does not mean he would go along with the plot. This means he's not a raging, frat boy, collar-popped homophobe and doesn't mind that, for fun and pure amusement, I whore him out to my gay best buds). He chuckled, patted me on the head. Silly, Krista. He gets along quite well with He Who Is Gay.
So several days later, I bump into my pal's boyfriend. I break the news to him gently. I said, "You know, I'm really sorry, but in order for me to marry The Fiance, your boyfriend is going to have to sleep with him."
Boyfriend looks at me. Considers. Then says, "Whoa! Can I sleep with him, too?"
This is when I smiled like a proud mama because, damn, The Fiance is hot. And then I went right ahead and told the boys to go get him. And be gentle.
(Editor's note: No. NO, gullible readers. No Fiance, nor gay man, was harmed in the production of this post. This is simply a recollection of two highly enjoyable conversations amongst friends, because that it what we do, we are funny. I am not a pimp. The Fiance would not sleep with our pal, Who Is Gay, who would never cheat on his Significant Other. So now you can all sleep tonight).