Well, I'll be damned. Where does the time go? Saw "my" old house from a distance today. The house that became my sanctuary a year ago when I had nowhere else to go. The house in the country, away from the drama. It left me with a lump in my throat. Those few months in that house healed me. It was my safe haven. I miss it. No matter where I go, I will always remember that house and the time I spent there. Except that one time I lost Harley. That particular memory, not so much.
But man, those memories make me sad. Springtime, new beginnings, countryside. Inevitably it also leads back to "him," but doesn't everything?
Speaking of, he did reply to my e-mail. It was nice. Made me cry, of course, but I feel more at peace about all of it. I think. I'm not sure what's worse - leaving things in a huff of animosity, or leaving things in a peaceful place. In this case, I didn't feel right ending "us" angrily. It's like they say - never go to bed angry. Well, I couldn't go away angry, either. But exchanging niceties with him - memories, even - was hard. Brought back some of the feelings, like, "Why the hell are we over?"
But we are over.
Still haven't quite figured that one out yet.
Just saw that one of my favorite bands is going to be in town on Friday. And then I remembered it was one of "our" favorite bands. It's a concert we would've gone to. Would've been excited about. They sing that one song. You know, the song he burned on the CD for me. Our song.
I will not be going to that concert.
Shit, you caught me. Today I miss him. I figure I'm allowed a day or two every now and again. There are good days and bad days. Today's one of the bad, I suppose.
Which brings me to the next topic: dating.
How the hell does one "date"? Strangers make me nervous. I don't like meeting new people. A guy asked for my phone number the other night. I gave it to him. But what do I do when he calls? I don't think I'm interested. My standards are too high.
I've never just gone on a date. Well, not a date that didn't end in a year-long relationship. Men make me nervous. I'm only comfortable around friends. I've only dated friends. I don't know what that means seeing as though I'm now very single, and out a few friends.
The idea of Cat Lady is looking very promising.