All I want for Christmas is not my two front teeth.

Mom demanded a Christmas list today. I think she's actually been hinting at it since just after Halloween, but I am physically incapable of thinking about Christmas presents while there are still Jack-O-Lanterns on porches and Halloween candy on shelves.

However, now, it's OK.

I told Mom last night I had no idea what I wanted. She responded with, "Must be nice to have everything you want, huh?" I began to wonder if that were true. I quickly realized there's no way it can be true because I'm living on a futon. So I felt better.

Also, where's my dog? My house? My matching Tiffany's bracelet? Seriously. I don't have these things that I want. So, well, see? I DON'T have everything I want. I'm just not very want-y. Except for the whole dog, house, matching-Tiffany's-bracelet thing.

I never believed I would want less and less as I grew older. When I was younger - Hell, last year, even - I could rattle off two pages worth of things I wanted for Christmas. CDs and movies and nail polish and lotion and iPod accessories and clothes and this and that and the other thing. But now, I actually feel all adult-ish, and really, I have NO IDEA what I want.

I want adult things like, paintings? Books. Clothes for work. Ew. I asked for engraved champagne flutes for The Wedding. I never thought the day would come when I'd ask for wedding champagne flutes instead of eight new CDs for Christmas. What is HAPPENING?

I want Boxer-preparedness items. Such as the Boxers For Dummies book I saw at Petco. A Boxer calendar. Boxer everything. We need to be prepared. We WILL have a Boxer. Um, one day. I hope?

I want scrapbooking materials. I love scrapbooking. LOVE. I just can't afford it. That's a pricey hobby, you know. But SO worth it. I've got a Box of The Fiance Things waiting patiently to be plastered to the pages of a scrapbook I don't actually have.

I have these peculiar new hobbies such as golf and bowling, but quite frankly, what does one need for golf and bowling? I do not know the answers to these questions, therefore none of these mysterious items made it onto The List.

I could use a delicious Yankee Candle and the game Catch Phrase, but really, that's about all I've got. But I am completely content with my list, thank you.

One Christmas morning when I wake up with a house under the tree, then I'll have it all.